The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hippo gnu deer
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
