I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so let's talk penis.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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