omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i dont even know how to be here
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
