I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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