Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
