do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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