Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
