you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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