How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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