I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Too much gin, very little bucket
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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