Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
