its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you still have your period?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
