dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
