Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
