Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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