he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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