dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
