Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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