i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
