Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
