i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
