im about as happy as oj after his trial
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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