I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
