There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
