this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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