i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
