my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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