somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
