this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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