Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
