I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
