Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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