i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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