Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
