Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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