Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
