We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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