Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
