You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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