home. puking in laundry basket.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
