Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
