He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just want nice things and good sex
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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