Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
