Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
