Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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