i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
