He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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