my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
