can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
