she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
