Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
