does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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