White coat. Heels.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
