He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
